Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Just give me a chance...

This wasn't meant to be a blog where I could just moan and complain in anonymity. Not every single post, anyway. Unfortunately that seems to be my state of mind the last few days, what with the unexpected activity...

I am highly unhappy in my job. Bored, unchallenged, and so on. My discontent is no secret among those close to me. I didn't write about it because it may have been too easy to find on the web. The last thing I need is to lose my job because I publicly complain about it. No, I'm not happy but I also can't afford to be unemployed. I'll take boredom over jobless any day.

I've been making inquiries about other possibilities lately, looking at what else I want to do with my life. I'm always thinking about "what else" is out there because you never know when the next day will be your last day at a particular place of employment. It happens all the time for no good reason at all.

Just as I started mulling it all over in my mind, thinking about how much I needed to make a change to avoid certain insanity... boom. I bump into an old friend in an unexpected location, and, gak!, he's leaving his job.

His job is my DREAM job.

Well, this puts a new spin on EVERYTHING, doesn't it.

This week has been beyond stressful. Waiting to find out if he'll accept the new job. Knowing that, while he says he'll recommend my name as one of the people to consider as his replacement, he's a very, very, very flaky person and would likely forget to call me to tell me to get my resume in. I've been worrying about nagging if I call to check in. (Which I did yesterday, and found out that he doesn't have my phone number... so how he was going to have them get in touch with me? Or get in touch with me himself? GAK.)

I fully admit that I have a total and complete lack of patience. I also have a currently-in-remission anxiety disorder, which tends to break into its little song and dance in times like this. In other words, I worry. I worry and stress and think about it WAY too much, going over and over in my mind all of the reasons that I'm just not lucky enough for this to work out.

The thing is? I just want a shot at this job. Just a shot. Let me have the chance to get my resume to the right people. I understand if my credentials aren't what they're looking for. That would be too bad, but I can't change the past to make my experience fit their needs. It is what it is, I can accept that.

What I can't accept is the idea of not getting a chance to be in the running. I can go in there and have a killer interview -- interviews are one of those things I'm not scared of. But if I don't even get a chance... if they don't even get to see my resume... I'll be crushed.

I'm hoping for some anonymous prayers on this one. Just let me make my case to the muckety-mucks, and the chips will fall where they may. Like I said: THAT I can accept. Not getting a chance to show them my stuff... that just wouldn't be okay.