Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Changing perceptions

I don't think people see me as I want to be seen. As I see myself.

I was getting off the elevator today with our admin. assistant, and she was saying that the woman who got off just before her, "Is the sweetest person you'll ever meet..."

And I realized, I doubt anyone has ever said I'm the "anything" you'll ever meet. Nicest, sweetest, friendliest, most positive... whatever. I don't think people are generally saying bad things, but maybe not great things.

I want to be seen as nice, fun, friendly... not just because I want to be SEEN that way, but because I want to BE that way.

I do think people think I'm fairly nice. But I bitch and complain about a lot of things. Maybe not often, but often enough that I think I should scale it back.

I don't want anyone to have a bad thing to say about me, at least not about the thing that I can control. If you don't like my general personality or the way I express myself? Can't do anything about that. But I can change the rest.

I want a new start -- this has been made PAINFULLY clear (sorry about that). A new start in the form of a new job, but also a new start in the way the world sees me.

Public gossiping and complaining... done. Nice, even tempered, less outspoken... underway.

And no more bitching.

Except here. I'm not naming names anyway, so you'll all just stop reading if you get annoyed or stop liking me.