Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Submission to my Higher Power

I was going to try to type out a prayer to God.

I can't. It won't come.

I mean, it came into my brain, but not to my fingers. I can close my eyes and pray and talk to God. As soon as I try to do it with my fingertips on the keyboard? Blank slate.

One thing I can do is thank God for Sharon and Rob today, who talked me through a very hard afternoon. I make things worse on myself than they need to be (very often... something that Rob knows well, but Sharon probably doesn't), jumping to conclusions and doing everything but patiently waiting until I have all the facts.

I can also apologize to God for the above-mentioned conclusion jumping, and for not immediately seeing His movement today's events. The fact is, the opportunity is still alive here... at around 11am today, I was quite sure it was dead, but that's not the case. It COULD be the case, but it's not. And while I don't know what that means, and I need to try NOT to read too much into it... at least there's hope.

Unfortunately, it's the hope that's been killing me... and that's why I'm submitting my formal request to God right here and now:

If this is NOT part of Your plan for me, could we please get that out in the open immediately? And if this COULD be part of Your plan for me, please guide me to do whatever it is You need me to do so this happens. All I know is that I want this job more than I've wanted anything in a very, very, very long time. If it's not meant to be, please help me deal with that and move towards something that will fulfill me even more.

I'm at Your mercy, God. It's all Yours. Take it away. I can't do this alone. Without You, I can't do it at all.