Friday, October 08, 2004

The Job? I fear it's over.

So you read the post from the other day. Where I bumped into my high-level contact at The Job, and he said he'd email me.

Perfect, right? Got to put myself back in his mind without having to do anything. Talk about a blessed event.

Yeah, well, I just went and fucked it right up. How?

I emailed him.

Oh yes. Too impatient to wait for him to email me, I sent him a note to his Blackberry. Despite knowing how crazy busy he is, despite knowing what a crucial week it is for their business due to come conditions in the marketplace, despite ALL of this... I let The Crazy (TM: Amalah) overtake all of my good sense, and I sent him an IM.

And he didn't respond.

He ALWAYS responds. Always. Immediately, even if it's just with a two or three word response to indicate he's busy but he REPLIES.

But this time, as I completely overstepped my bounds and made a desperate attempt at forcing the situation ahead, he did not reply. My dear mentor Sue said that she didn't believe I obliterated my shot at the job, but that I should not do another damn thing until THEY contact me.

If. IF they contact me.

You see, what I fear has happened... is that after I Blackberried (?) the contact, he saw it, sighed in annoyance and disgust that I couldn't leave it well enough alone, and mentioned to the Guy Who Will Hire The Person For The Job that I'm an annoying nag, and not to bother with me because HE works most closely with the person in The Job, and doesn't want to deal with someone so annoying as me.

Sure, that may be a bit extreme, but it's completely and totally possible.

And so, I have prayed to God that, if there is any way to make my mistake go away... or at least not be as big a mistake as I think it is, that He maybe could do that for me.

Seriously God? I'm still begging. Please. I will stop trying to control this situation and give it back to You. I promise. I promise with all of my heart and soul, with more honestly and truth than I may have ever devoted to anything. Because, I'm still praying that if The Job is Your will for me? Please, let's make it happen.