Monday, November 29, 2004

Back up the truck

So, here I was... all excited, announcing here on S&B that I would be starting a new job and buying a house and blah blah blah.

You actually thought anything would go smoothly, or even remotely "as promised"?

I did. Because I'm stupid.

The New Job hasn't called my references yet. Still. That's the only thing standing between me and the confirmation of this new job. Am I the only person on the planet who does things promptly? Seriously, why can't ANYTHING job-related be done in a timely manner, EVER??

Listen, I'm impatient as it IS. Never mind when my life is hanging in the balance. Call my damn references and present me with the offer sheet. PLEASE. I don't sleep well when there is room for things to go belly-up.

I could only hope and pray that this delay is happening so as to allow The Job to materialize for me. (HA. I am NEVER that fortunate. The bad things tend not to happen to me for really good reasons.)

Also?

I was supposed to go look at a pretty great-seeming house tonight. I was quite prepared to make an offer if the home is as good as I think it will be.

But?

For the second time, they have postponed showings on the house. I was supposed to see it Friday. Nope. They postponed until Monday. Monday is TODAY, and they've postponed until Wednesday. Why? What could they possibly be doing this for?

Maybe they're cleaning blood off the floor after a weekend murder. Maybe they're getting the lice professionally removed from the carpet. Maybe their young children have been taken hostage by sewer rats in the basement.

There is no good reason for this delay! There can't be. (I am omniscient, I know this.)

But of course, I'll never KNOW about the murder... that is, until I become a suspect in a different murder, and Nicky & Warrick from CSI have to come into my basement and spray that stuff that turns surfaces pink when there are traces of blood. Of course, I'd just happen to come down the stairs in my silk robe while they're working, and Nicky, upon catching a glimpse of my sizzling sex appeal, would stop dead in his tracks... this would all lead to a series of events that they could only show on the new HBO series, "CSI: XXX"...

Uh? What?

As I was saying, I think the entire universe is out to get me. Honestly.

Stay tuned. The drama just never ends.
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