Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Backup Plan

I figured that I should start formulating a backup plan since a good friend asked me what my backup plan was, and I had none.

In the meantime, I need to get myself prepared for all possibilities. Sure, I'm trying to have faith and be patient... I'm on Day 9 of a Rosary Novena, (don't knock it until you've tried it) and I'm doing everything I can to keep a positive attitude. But it's very hard. I am facing possible unemployment in a very difficult job market -- I'll know in about a week and a half whether my current contract is extended, or if I'm out on my ass as of the 26th of November.

Now, granted, The Job (not my current job, you'll remember, but my ultimate dream job that came open very recently) is further being dragged out due to an edict from the head office that doesn't allow any major announcements out of any of the offices across the country until after the 21st of this month. But the fact remains that I have absolutely no idea what my chances are and whether it's a realistic possibility that I could come on here with a post saying, "I GOT IT." I have no idea.

So. I have to committ to a Plan B. What is it?

Hair. Becoming a stylist, to be exact. The money can be amazing if you play your cards right, and there's never a day of your life when you're behind a desk. The above-mentioned friend brought it up and while I initially dismissed it out of hand (sorry about that Shar, I know you understand), it came back to me later in the day. It's something I considered during my last career crisis, and frankly it's literally the only thing that doesn't send me into fits of tears over the hopelessness of my career situation.

This is never what I imagined for my life, having to move onto a Plan B, because the rest didn't work out. Never mind that hair school sounds like the epitomy of brainless. However. I need some stability and security in my life already -- I'm getting too old to need to "fall back" on the fact that my parents happen to live in the same city that I do, and I could go live there if I needed. That's not the way I want to live my life. I'm an adult, I've been out on my own long enough, and I'm finished depending on them. I don't want to NEED a fall back anymore. I want to have my own fall-back -- I want to BE my own fall back.

I'm the only person in my life who I know I can count on, and I want to be ABLE to count on myself for anything.

This all has me questioning every decision I've ever made, including the one that saw me leave my career as a journalist, working for the most prestigious TV network in the country. But that's another post for another day.

As I said, this is never what I imagined for my life. And frankly, it's scary to have to start thinking about a Plan B. Because it's almost as if I'm saying that nothing could possibly work out so I need to do this. But I'm trying to look at it from the perspective that, actually, I'm being intelligent about what's going on here. I'm not counting on anything and I'm trying to look out for myself.

What I can only hope is that God will smile favourably on the fact that I'm not just aimlessly sitting and waiting for Him to cater to me somehow, and He'll see fit to bring The Job around to me.

I can only pray.
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