Friday, November 19, 2004

Decisions, Decisions.

I think I've made one.

And for the first time in months -- literally, since August -- I have a sense of feeling settled and maybe even slightly at peace. (Not entirely, but slightly. Baby steps, people.)

I am going to leave my dreaded current job, and go with my back-up plan. I could tell you some surface reasons for why I think I feel good about this decision, but I don't think that's what it is.

A very good friend reminded me that, no matter how hard I pray, God can't make this decision FOR me. I will have to make it, and if I make the "wrong" one, then God will do whatever He has to, in order to right my ship. As long as I'm open to it.

And as soon as I made the decision, the headache that I have experienced for many weeks, finally slipped away.

It's not the route that everyone suggested I should take, the route that could lead to more open doors in the future. But I had a bad vibe about that route. I don't know why. I don't even know if I should be trusting my vibes at this stage of the game -- I'm so immersed in what's going on, I can barely see straight sometimes.

But there's one thing I do know: I have to be happy. And while sometimes we do have to go through garbage to get to the good stuff, I don't really feel like doing things that would benefit my future "just incase". Other than The Job, which may or may never come to fruition, I don't know what else I want my future to hold. And, while I could take the path that would open certain doors... what if those aren't the doors I want to go through when the time comes?

In other words, I'm taking happiness -- today. Living for today. The Job may never happen so I can't keep planning around it. I need to go with something that is in front of me... and of the three things that are there, I can honestly say that this one feels somewhat right. There's a bit of security, it should be at least moderately fun, and we'll see what comes down the pipe when it's time to look there.

"Woke up this morning
With this feeling inside me that I can't explain
Like a weight that I've carried
Has been carried away,
But I know something is coming
I don't know what it is
But I know it's amazing, you save me
My time is coming
And I'll find my way out of this longest drought

It feels like today I know it feels like today I'm sure
Its the one thing that's missin'
The one thing I'm wishin'
Life's sacred blessin'
It feels like today
Feels like today
Feels like your life changing..."

Praise the Lord. He makes my path straight.