Monday, November 22, 2004

Panic.

I just got offered a job that, at one point I thought I wanted, but now have intensely bad vibes about.

I have to turn it down, but wasn't able to have the conversation about that due to the fact that I'm at my current job and it's probably not entirely appropriate or safe. Or smart.

Being true to yourself is VERY HARD.

I'm waiting to hear about another job -- not The Job, but a decent second choice -- and haven't yet, even though I was told that I'm a shoe-in and all sorts of other nice and lovely things.

PANIC. PANIC. PANIC.

I am a recovering anxiety-sufferer (like alcoholics, I think those of us with anxiety disorders are never more than an unreturned phonecall away from a freak-out), and I'm having a very, very, very hard time waiting for an answer. And also accepting that turning down the above-mentioned job is not the end of the world -- if none of the other current options materialize, God will take care of me.

Let go, let God. Etc.

It's a great philosophy to believe, but it's highly scary when it comes time to live it.

People, I'm sending out a plea here: please pray for me that this all works out. Because I'm currently very scared.
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