Tuesday, December 21, 2004

And now, the details...

First... the good news is that I don't need a root canal. I wanted to kiss my dentist when he told me, but my mouth was pried open with a big metal clamp.

Plus, drool was seeping out of my mouth due to the freezing. Nobody wants to kiss that. Instead I got a new filling on one tooth. Hurray for modern dentistry and for small blessings.

Anyway, as promised, the details.

Sunday night, I was over at R.'s house having a cup of holiday cheer with friends. We shut it down early because it was -35 degrees outside and everyone just wanted to get home and get into a warm bed. (I wanted to get into R.'s warm bed, ahem ahem, which I should have done but I hate leaving my kitten alone all night.)

I left at 11pm. I was about two blocks from my home, when I rolled through a stop-sign that everyone always rolls through.

Sadly, the city police take issue with the fact that everyone always rolls through this stop sign and they were camped out around the corner, waiting for idiots like me who would inevitably roll through it.

I noticed them come around the corner, but they didn't turn their lights on so I thought I was catching a favour from the universe. The cop car followed me all the way into my driveway. Shit shit shit. How many tickets do I need to get before I learn my lesson? Stupid Pink. The officer asked me if I realized I went through that stop sign by the church there, and I said,

"I thought I did stop. I guess I wasn't paying attention?"

Apparently I was catching a favour because the officer just said, "Well, pay attention next time."

However, at that point I realized he probably thought I was trying to lose him by driving down a residential street and then down a side lane. So I just grabbed my purse from the front seat, plugged in my car (no, it's not electric -- we use block heaters to keep the battery from freezing), and went into the house. I did not put the Club on my steering wheel, because I wanted to make sure the police saw me going into the house. The police needed to know: I'm a good citizen, I was not fleeing from police!

I got into bed but I couldn't sleep.

At about 3am, I was about to turn off my TV when I heard two loud bangs. I jumped up. So did my kitten.

I looked out the window... saw nothing. It was cold and windy, I told myself, it's just the wind banging something.

I laid back down, then heard another bang. I jumped up again. But then I said to myself, "Stop being so stupid, go to sleep. It's nothing."

Now, you see, I used to deal with depression and anxiety. For years, the anxiety manifested itself as night terrors. It was a bizarre half awake/half asleep series of delusions. A large majority of the time, I would "hear" the sounds of someone ransacking my house OR, someone ransacking and stealing my car. I'd run around the house flipping on lights, trying to "scare them away"... at which point I'd fully wake up, realize what was happening, and go back to bed.

You see where this is going.

I heard the bangs, looked out my window, and said to myself, "There is nothing there. Stop being so paranoid. Night terrors, remember?"

Except, there WAS someone there. In my car, ripping up the steering column, removing the ignition. Luckily for me (?), apparently I got some stupid car theives who weren't smart enough to keep the car running for very long. It was found a very short distance away.

If I had put on the Club, like I do every single night, my car would happily be sitting in the driveway right now.

My tip to you: ALWAYS PUT ON THE CLUB.

A ticket for fleeing from police would have been better than losing my car altogether.

So now I have to spend the next month and a half dealing with the police and the insurance company, and waiting for the car to be repaired (if it can be repaired at all -- they did a hell of a number on it). I have no idea when I'll get it back, but the end of January is a generous guess.

Merry Christmas to me.

Ah, who am I kidding... I don't have a car to drive, I can drink all I want for the next two weeks because there will be no wheel for me to be behind! Merry Christmas indeed!