Tuesday, April 19, 2005

We're on a break?

What does that mean, "We're on a break."

Broken up? Or just having space, but still having a commitment?

Hard to say. I guess it depends on the spirit in which the break was initiated. This break, I'd say, is of the latter category: commitment with 100% space. No communication, no contact, nothing.

Absolute silence.

But I'm not sure what's happening on the commitment end. What would I do if it really was a temporary break-up, with all of the things that go along with being single? What would I want to do? Would I be handling the break as well as I am now?

Or would I be doing my usual over-reacting bit, assuming it's actually a permanent "break up", but one being just hidden from me for any number of conspiracy-like reasons?

I have no idea. All I know is that we're on a break. I'll get back to you if I ever figure out what that means.

Let's hope I don't do something stupid due to wrong assumptions about it.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

And so it sits.

First off, for those of you who have been following since the inception of Stilettos and Beer, it's finally done:

I did not get The Job.

Surprisingly, I'm not even really upset.

(Though that's probably because my engagement is off, and my now-former fiance isn't sure if he wants to spend even another Saturday night with me, let alone a lifetime. Obviously I have more pressing things to worry about.)

It's so pleasant.

I don't want a comments box full of, "I'm so sorry..." sentiments. I brought this on myself, and now I have to clean up my own mess.

As for The Job, I'm trying to convince myself that it wouldn't have been as good as I would have hoped. Considering it would have been a 10K cut from my last job, and a $5K cut from my present job... maybe not that far a stretch.

Anyway... just trying to figure things out now.

Also? I'm pissed off because the temporary roommate I have ate all of my bananas and my bread while I was in Toronto this weekend.


Monday, April 04, 2005


I have made the biggest mistake of my life.

It may have cost me the one person who I love more than anything on this planet.

I can't undo this and I am terrified about what my life is going to look like when the dust settles.

You likely won't hear from me for a while.

There is too much to sort out.